Photo via @JasonSCampbell/Twitter
June 1, 2021, 10:29 am
Before Pride month had even begun, far-right media network Newsmax was railing against brands hopping on the rainbow train, but not because it’s a transparent attempt to profit off of what was meant to be a rebellion against oppression. Instead, anchor Grant Stinchfield went on camera to declare that Kellogg’s has committed the sin of “wokeness” and speculate that the Lucky Charms leprechaun from General Mills is gay based on homophobic stereotypes.
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Stinchfield began the “woke cereal” segment by expressing his moral outrage over a colorful and glittery cereal called “Together with Pride” that features many of the company’s iconic breakfast mascots on the box and edible glittery rainbow sugar hearts inside. Even more appalling to Newsmax was the little space on the side of the box inviting cereal consumers to enter their pronouns.
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The Newsmax host relays all of this information with a full serving of faux-outrage, asking “whatever happened to box tops on cereal boxes” as though that was the part of the cereal box any kid ever cared about. Then he moves on to analyzing the dress and affectation of the Lucky Charms leprechaun to claim that the fictional character must be gay and therefore General Mills was “woke” first, which is bad, but better than what Kellogg’s is doing? The logic is difficult to follow.
“Isn’t Kellogg’s a little late to this ‘woke’ game, by the way?” says Stinchfield while forcing a laugh. “General Mills has a, I think General Mills has a gay leprechaun, right? Well, my producer Carly asked me ‘is that leprechaun really gay?’ I said, “I dunno, maybe, he wears high heeled shoes, prances around in tights, leads me to believe probably that little Lucky Charm leprechaun might be gay.’”
But wait, before you declare Stinchfield homophobic just for saying that certain shoes and tights on a man equals gay, he’s ready with the “gotcha” because you think that symbols and color schemes specifically chosen by the LGBTQ+ community to represent them are gay.
“For those of you that want to vilify me for those comments right, right there, aren’t you just as offended by the flamboyant rainbow hearts and glitter as a symbol of gayness? See, there are two standards here.”
Immediately after declaring the gays homophobic for displaying rainbow colors and liking glitter, Stinchfield goes right into the transphobic panic angle, warning that the Pride cereal is going to confuse the children by mentioning pronouns.
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“Nothing like forcing our kids to be confused about their gender first thing in the morning with their breakfast,” he chuckles.
Apparently, Stinchfield is under the impression that purchasing a box of “Together with Pride” cereal is a legally binding contract requiring you to force your kids to fill out the pronouns part of the box, which would automatically throw a child’s gender identity into chaos. It’s almost like gender isn’t a static, tangible thing at all if a bit of morning grammar can get kids to question it.
The anchor then recommends abandoning cereal altogether for granola, noting that it tends to contain less sugar. Unfortunately for the network’s viewers, Stinchfield seems to have forgotten that granola is hippie propaganda that will turn your kids into communists.
*First Published: June 1, 2021, 10:29 am
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