Photo via u/throwawayorangecat/Reddit
December 15, 2021, 3:42 pm*
An absolutely incredible story posted to the infamous “Am I The A–hole” Reddit forum involving a cat name Jorts, margarine, and accusations of “perpetuating ethnic stereotypes” has the entire internet in an uproar over an absurd problem with a hilarious solution. The tale begins with an office workplace adopting two cats, as some workplaces do to improve morale and because cats are awesome so why not, named “Jean” and “Jorts.” Both cats had their individual charms as well as minor shortcomings, especially when it came to orange tabby Jorts.
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“Jorts is just… kind of a simple guy,” the AITA post reads. “For example, Jorts can’t open a door even when it’s ajar— he shoves it whether he is going in or out, so often he closes the door he is trying to go through. This means he is often trapped inside the place he was trying to exit and meows until he is rescued.”
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Cats, like people, have varying levels of intelligence that can correspond with their breed. Unlike Jorts, Jean, a tortoiseshell, didn’t have a problem with doors and in fact often rescued Jorts from his self-imposed predicaments. Unfortunately, sometimes Jorts would lock himself and Jean in the closet where their food is kept, and because there was no way for a cat to open the closet door from the inside, they would require human assistance.
This became a concern due to the fact that humans are not always present at the office, so the person who posted the story wanted to prop the door open or use other solutions to make sure the cats didn’t get trapped. Enter coworker “Pam,” who decided to instead take it upon herself to try and help Jorts smarten up with attempts at training and didn’t appreciate OP interfering.
“Pam then said I was depriving Jorts of the ‘chance to learn’ and kept removing the doorstop. She set up a series of special learning activities for Jorts, and tried to put these tasks on the whiteboard of daily team tasks (I erased them). She thinks we need to teach him how to clean himself better and how to get out of minor barriers like when he gets a cup stuck on his head, etc.”
This conflict escalated until Pam made a rather strange accusation against OP after he made a joke about the intelligence gap between Jean and Jorts.
“I made a gentle joke about “you can’t expect Jean’s tortoiseshell smarts from orange cat Jorts” which made Pam FURIOUS. She started crying and left the hallway, then sent an email to the group (including volunteers) and went home early.”
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“In her email Pam said I was ‘perpetuating ethnic stereotypes by saying orange cats are dumb’ and is demanding a racial sensitivity training before she will return.”
Obviously, this was a problem because cat breeds are not the same as human races and ethnicities, so when Pam got HR involved, they were a little confused. (Yes, Pam is white.) Thankfully, they were able to work out a set of compromises and come to understand each other in an update post that is somehow funnier than the original.
The worker who posted the AITA entry agreed that they had treated Jean and Jorts differently and dedicated themself to a set of actions that would help to change that. This included getting Jorts a new cat bed, updating Jorts’ online employee biography to include a photo of him rather than a sweet potato, and removing a workplace sign reading “DAYS SINCE JORTS HAD A TRASH CAN MISHAP.”
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Pam, meanwhile, agreed to stop trying to assign others to cat-related duties as she did not have the authority to do so and to stop certain attempts at training methods that were a bit disruptive to the working environment.
“Lastly, and this made us both laugh so hard we can’t deal with it in person and will be said via email: Pam admits that she has been putting margarine on Jorts in an attempt to teach him to groom himself better. This may explain the diarrhea problem Jean developed (which required a vet visit).”
“Pam is NOT to apply margarine to any of her coworkers. Jean has shown she is willing to be in charge of helping Jorts stay clean. If this task becomes onerous for Jean, we can have a groomer help. I am crying laughing typing this.”
The saga of Jorts became so wildly popular across multiple social media platforms so quickly that it’s safe to call the tabby a runaway internet sensation. He and Jean already have their own joint fan email account and Twitter account for the sake of the cats’ countless new die-hard fans, who are busy writing epic poems about the beloved tabby.
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I am caught up on Jean and Jorts now and I would personally like to suggest Jorts run for public office.
— Courtney Milan
(@courtneymilan) December 15, 2021
“Jorts” is absolutely the first time I’ve seen a trending topic on twitter, explored it, and then not walked away completely disgusted with everything that exists. Bless his unbuttered paws.
— Nic Healey
(@dr_nic) December 15, 2021
*First Published: December 15, 2021, 3:19 pm
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