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December 17, 2021, 8:08 am
If a relationship goes on long enough, you will probably have to deal with your partner’s parents and extended family eventually. That’s when you really figure out if you can spend a lifetime with someone, because you’ll be spending it with all those other people, too. Redditor u/Throwawaygivings already knew she was probably never going to get along with her boyfriend’s mother, but she came on r/AmItheA–hole to figure out if she’d messed things up beyond repair for no reason.
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The OP says she’s been with her boyfriend for three years, and before they dated, he was with his high school sweetheart. His mom was really attached to her son’s ex-girlfriend, and was pretty rude to OP when they first met. She says she understood…at first.
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For the first year of my relationship his mom would call me ex’s name, until bf got angry once and told her to be nice. She laughed it off and said it was just a habit. After that she started calling me the wrong name. (Janet instead of Jenny; fictional names just for the story). I corrected her a couple of times but she seemed to like hurting me so I ignored it later.
OP says a few weeks before Thanksgiving, she was at a BBQ thrown by her boyfriend’s family.
I was in the kitchen with my bf’s mom, the sisters and one of their husbands. The older sister then talked about how my BF praised my cooking to her husband and the mom was listening. She then said iut loud “SURE! Why don’t we let Janet make the turkey this year?”. The sisters giggled and looked at each other and I said “thats a great idea!” I didn’t tell my bf what happened.
On Thanksgiving we went to his mom’s house with the usual wine and dessert. She was shocked l, everybody was shocked. I said “what? I thought Janet is bringing the turkey!”. There was yelling, crying and then we got kicked out. My bf is so angry with me he hasn’t talked to me since. I think it’s over tbh. But I still don’t think I did anything wrong! Did I?
The commenters actually thought this was an incredible reaction to the constant rudeness of her boyfriend’s mom. Her post got so popular, it even went viral on Twitter, where people were also very supportive of her decision.
There’s a reason my #1 dating is advice is NEVER date someone who allows their family to treat you like less than a person. This will never get better with time or marriage. Move on.
And what a way to go out
— Annie
(@NowW_MoreCheese) December 8, 2021
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There are some people who think what she did was bad, mainly for not informing her boyfriend of the plan and surprising him with the news at his mother’s house:
The OP actually added an update. She said that after Thanksgiving, she didn’t hear from her boyfriend for three weeks, until they met up at a party they’d already planned to go to before T-Day. There, he hugged and kissed her and asked if they could talk:
He told me that he wasn’t mad about what I did but about the fact that I didn’t tell him and that he looked like an idiot because of it. I apologized again. I told him that I don’t think that I could/want to make amends with MIL, ever, and that I’m not sure if that’s what I want for my future. She’s a great grandmother to SILS’ children but would she be the same with ours when she obviously does not and will not like me? I also told him that I can’t be with someone who would ghost me for 2-3 weeks when he’s angry with me. So we broke up. I am sad because I love him very bery much but this is probably for the best in the long run. Many will say MIL won, but I was never in a competition with her. She can think she won because I don’t care and at least now she will start using my name when addressing bf’s next girl.
Yeah, I don’t think anyone who acts like that mom “wins” anything. They’re still themselves at the end of the day.
*First Published: December 17, 2021, 8:08 am
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