Breastfeeding is hard. Even under the most ideal circumstances, it can be difficult to produce milk and coax your baby to nurse happily. There might not be enough milk, the mother might be stressed, the baby might have an allergy — there’s a lot. So when people step in to help, it can be wonderful — especially if these people are your family and they are incredibly supportive to the point where they are rubbing your feet!
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One man on Reddit is trying his best to facilitate the ideal circumstances for his wife to successfully breastfeed — but there’s one problem he has to deal with.
“My wife gave birth recently. She’s been trying to breastfeed (our baby doesn’t like formula and can’t latch onto the silicon nipple properly) but she has a hard time because she isn’t producing enough milk. My mom who was a midwife said it was because of stress and that my wife was too stressed out to make enough breastmilk. The doctor and the lactation consultant confirmed that stress does impact the flow of milk. My wife’s work has been pinging us even though she has six months of maternity leave,” the OP writes.
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“My mom moved in with us to help with the baby. My wife’s family lives too far to be anything but moral support. She’s been making my wife food (stuff that helps with milk production), making my wife rest, making sure she gets enough sleep. My mom suggest my wife lie in a quiet, dim room, and I or my mom would rub her feet or her shoulders or would stroke her hair (both these things soothe my wife) and just let her feel relaxed. This has actually worked the best. The important part is to start the process before the baby is hungry.”
“My wife has an incredibly irritating childhood friend, Becky. Becky is the worst type of soul sucking person. She makes a sh*tty problem and runs to my wife to fix it. My wife is reluctant to stand up to Becky because Becky was the only girl who didn’t make fun of her in their childhood. That’s because she treats my wife like her personal servant.”
“On Sunday, Becky came over because the man she was hooking up dumped her and plus she spent all her money on booze and weed and couldn’t afford rent for the month which she was already late on. She expected me to call my wife down so that she could fix her problems. I said no and told her to leave, because my wife was breastfeeding. She insisted and tried to sneak past me and enter our house. I told her that my wife was breastfeeding and that she could not be disturbed, as per my mom’s suggestions. I told her that she would stress out my wife with her problems and if she wanted to come in she couldn’t talk about them at all. She called me controlling and a mama’s boy and friends of my wife later texted me calling me an a*shole. My wife says she doesn’t care that I told her to leave but said I could be gentler about her problems.”
Becky, get lost. Baby needs to eat. What do Redditors think?
“NTA. I thought this was going to go towards you trying to control your wife, as so many posts on AITA go. I’m so glad that isn’t the case. It doesn’t seem like your mother is there lording over the house and forcing your wife to do X, but that she is a professional giving good advice and ideas, that both you and your wife chose to follow them and they seem to be helping. Your wife has enough worries and stress right now to be bothered by some self centered user. If she’s okay with what you did, who cares what Becky thinks,” asked
“Pushy is the right word, and OP’s reaction was just right for it. Nice in this instance would have probably resulted in Becky pushing her way in all noise and disturbance like ready to interrupt a feeding baby because her problems are more important! Frankly I think you were too gentle with her because my goal would be to put her off from your life once and for all instead of for the moment! Definitely NTA and your mom is a gem,” said
“NTA. We all know what kind of friend Becky is. She’s there to use your wife financially and emotionally. This is a trying time for any new mother and parent. I definitely think your wife needs to really sit down with you and have a conversation about this so-called friend. She’s not actually there for your wife. Of course, your wife’s health comes first. It might not be best to have a difficult conversation right away, but it seems like you and your wife will need to discuss. Becky. I really do think your mom in this case is not overstepping, unlike so many other moms on this site and subreddit. I think she actually has some good advice. You’re doing right by your wife and that’s what’s important,” said
“NTA- This is a beautiful setting you guys have come up with. There’s only four people who matter in this, the Mom, the baby, and whomever she decides to share it with, which is you and your Mom. You’re NOT controlling, you’re going with not only your Mom’s expertise, but with what your wife is comfortable with,” said
“NTA because your wife basically supports what you did. You have no obligation to Becky in all of this, but you have a lot of obligation to support your wife’s choices — NOT your mother’s choices about your wife. This time, they didn’t conflict. But you need to be prepared to let your wife make the calls herself about how she wants to handle things, not just try to protect her whether or not she wants to be protected. This time, she was okay with it. Next time, she might not be,” noted
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*First Published: May 22, 2022, 7:10 am
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