Literally Nobody Wants This Mike Pence Autobiography

The worst thing about the Trump administration coming to an end was always knowing how quickly and how much the former president’s political allies would inevitably profit by trading on their stories and name recognition from their time propping him up.

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And sure enough, news broke on Wednesday that Simon & Schuster had signed a two-book deal with Mike Pence that includes an autobiography of the former vice president set to be published in 2023.

“I am grateful to have the opportunity to tell the story of my life in public service to the American people, from serving in Congress, to the Indiana Governor’s office and as Vice President of the United States,” a statement from Pence read.

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The public reaction has been predictably split — though overall fairly negative. Trump critics aren’t interested in seeing the man who refused to rein Trump in profit from what they did to this country, whereas diehard Trump supporters came to see Pence as a traitor during the administration’s final days.

Lol aint nobody reading no book written by Mike Pence.

— Covie (@covie_93) April 8, 2021

Who is the audience for a Mike Pence book? The MAGA people hate him. Anyone with an ounce of intelligence know it would read like watching paint dry.

I hope Simon & Shuster chokes on their advance.

— Amy Siskind (@Amy_Siskind) April 8, 2021

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Who — seriously, *who* — does Simon & Schuster imagine’s going to read a Mike Pence memoir? This really feels like a case of out-of-touch publishing unaware of the fact that Pence has almost zero base or love among conservatives.

— Jeff Sharlet (@JeffSharlet) April 7, 2021

Although a major publisher giving a platform to a member of the Trump administration isn’t surprising, it didn’t take long for the criticisms to start rolling in.

Anybody want to take this bet? The Mike Pence book will be the least revealing, least reflective book ever written. Some pages may even be empty.

— Paula Poundstone (@paulapoundstone) April 7, 2021

Mike Pence was the most spineless, cowardly Vice Presidents in history. He should have invoked the 25th. He should have raised the alarm on COVID.

He was invisible.
He should remain so.
His book will be garbage.

— BrooklynDad_Defiant! (@mmpadellan) April 8, 2021

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Mike Pence doesn’t have a chance in hell in 2024, and he knows it. But his book sales will make him millions of dollars. And as long as he keeps hinting that he’ll run in 2024, the media will keep giving attention to his book, which means even more millions for him. It’s a sham.

— Palmer Report (@PalmerReport) April 7, 2021

Mike Pence’s autobiography will be about as exciting as watching an anal fissure form in extremely slow motion

— Erin justice breyer please retire Ryan (@morninggloria) April 7, 2021

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And already, people are suggesting topics for Pence’s autobiography that will undoubtedly be unrecognizably twisted in his retelling or left out altogether.

Mike Pence was in charge of the White House Coronavirus Task Force, during a period in which 400,000-odd Americans died from the coronavirus. I hope that gets a chapter or two in the new books. https://t.co/Tt7rOFM9eT

— Mehdi Hasan (@mehdirhasan) April 7, 2021

I hope Mike Pence’s story of “his faith and public service” includes how his inhumane policies as IN governor drove one of the largest HIV epidemics in decades and fueled opioid deaths. And that was *before* he became VP and backed the Muslim ban and child separation…. https://t.co/etxilf4wga

— Garrett M. Graff (@vermontgmg) April 7, 2021

Lying bigoted science denying bible thumping lunatic Mike Pence helped to murder 550,000 Americans. He is a loathsome sycophantic hollow shell who was ineffective, useless and in most ways an inhumane catastrophe. May his book fail and be given out for free to scrub toilets with.

— Ricky Davila (@TheRickyDavila) April 8, 2021

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Ultimately, seeing this guy profit—particularly while others in publishing so famously struggle—is enough to make any reasonable person sick.

editorial assistant salary $35,000
debut author advance $20,000
social media manager $40,000
Mike Pence memoir $2,000,000,000
editor $45,000

can someone who is good at the economy please help us, the publishing industry, budget this we’re dying

— Gabby Noone (@twelveoclocke) April 8, 2021

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So many issues in publishing, obviously. But whenever I hear something like S&S giving a 7 figure deal to fascists like Mike Pence, I think about how they bought Jesmyn Ward’s Sing, Unburied, Sing for $150k *after she had already won a National Book Award for Salvage the Bones!*

— Matt Keliher (@MAKeliher) April 8, 2021

A super liberal NYC publisher is paying Mike Pence millions of dollars for his memoir.

It’s almost as if being a fascist white supremacist is profitable.

— saira rao (@sairasameerarao) April 8, 2021

The first book is currently slated for publication in 2023.

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Don’t bother marking your calendars.

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*First Published: April 8, 2021, 6:29 am