If you’ve spent any time around Christian fanatics, you’ve probably noticed that they consider some extremely normal things to be off limits. Stories about magic are treated like gateways to actually summoning the devil, heavy metal is equally demonic, and let’s not even get started on science.
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But not everyone is so keenly aware of the every day absurdities that come with religious fixation, so Redditors banded together to share stories under a single theme: “What’s the stupidest thing [you’ve] ever seen a religious person call ‘satanic’?”
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If people want to miss out on cool things this world has to offer, that’s their decision, but we can absolutely talk about how ridiculous saying this stuff out loud actually is.
1.
I knew this Christian lady that refused to eat deviled eggs.
2.
Coca Cola because the red supposedly represented the devil.
3.
My mom was terrified I’d accidentally summon a demon playing yugioh.
4.
I wanted to learn to play the violin as a child but was told I couldn’t because it was the devil’s instrument.
5.
Without a shred of sarcasm I once heard an evangelical describe hot cheetos as a product of the devil.
6.
I remember a lady saying she refused to eat mushrooms, they were satanic because they grew in the dark.
7.
A microscope. An acquaintance of mine called a microscope a “gift from the devil” because it makes people question the divine plan.
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8.
A toothache. “The devil is trying to enter my body.” Was the quote. Initially i thought they were making a weird joke. They were serious.
9.
The 80’s country music song ‘Elvira’ by the Oak Ridge Boys. They were convinced they were singing ‘Hell Fire Up’ instead of ‘Elvira.’
10.
”Godzilla” because god’s name shouldn’t be used like that. Told his kids there was a spelling error and it’s actually called “Goodzilla.”
11.
The movie Jumanji. Couldn’t watch it until I was like 12 because my mom thought it was about a ouija board because the pieces moved by themselves.
12.
A friends wife once got into some religious thing where anything of beauty was satanic. Flowers, scenery, anything beautiful. Satan was luring you with its beauty.
13.
For awhile I wasn’t allowed to use the word “weird” because it was associated with witchcraft. Apparently because Shakespeare wrote about the witches of “weird.”
14.
My wife’s mother pulled her out of the carebears movie when she was a kid because the bears were casting satanic spells out of their stomachs. My wife still holds a grudge.
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15.
The peace symbol. My HS biology teacher saw me wearing one & explained the [peace] symbol. It’s a inverted cross… The sides have been bent down & away from God….
16.
The same teacher who taught abstinence only sex-ED class took away my deck of Magic cards because they were satanic. How am i supposed to keep my virginity without my Magic cards!?
17.
So many things, but this one’s my favorite. Ready? Paleontologists. The idea is that the dinosaurs never actually existed and paleontologists just plant the fossils and bones to steer people away from “The Truth”. Clearly the work of the devil! Eek!
18.
“Masters of the Universe”. It was back in the 80’s. My crazy, over the top, religious aunt said ,” it’s satanic! There is only ONE master of the universe and it’s god!!!” 6 yo me rolled my eyes so hard, I’m sure you could hear the noise it made.
19.
Rocks. I’m a rock hound, and collect rocks, gems, and stones. The link between crystals and spirituality has gotten me called a devil worshipper…for liking rocks. I don’t even use them spiritually, I just like shiny shit.
20.
Tampons. I’m not joking or lying. When I was a kid, early 90’s, there was a “God Botherer” protesting outside a Superdrug (UK Pharmacy chain) screaming about the Satanism of feminine hygiene products corrupting women into sin. This God Botherer was a woman.
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21.
My grandma bought this cute bunny hat to wear. She loves hats because her head gets cold. This bunny ear hat was her favorite. She wore it to church and the pastor told her it was a demonic hat, grabbed it from her head, and threw it into the trash (so I’m told, i wasn’t there). She came home without her hat and was pissed. The church people came over to perform an EXORCISM because she was possessed by the devil.
22.
My dad wouldn’t let me watch anything that had magic or monsters because he thought it would let demons into the house. This included power rangers, Ben 10, H20 just add water, harry potter, scooby doo and more. The most ridiculous one was not letting me watch Jessie on Disney channel. This had no magic or monsters but he thought that the pet lizard one of the characters had represented the snake that deceived Eve into eating the apple.
*First Published: April 17, 2022, 6:46 am
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