Photo via @presidentchamp/Twitter, @hyperbtcoiniz8n/Twitter
August 16, 2021, 3:09 pm
While not the worst thing to come out of the anti-vaccine movement, possibly the weirdest thing might be the nightmarish crossover between anti-vaxxers and Bitcoin weirdos who think that “pure,” unvaccinated semen could become a valuable commodity that could be traded online for or even in place of cryptocurrencies. It’s not entirely clear whether sperm is considered pure if it comes from someone who is only unvaccinated against COVID-19 or if maybe it would be more pure if the individual who produced it is entirely unvaccinated, and we really don’t want to look into it.
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But one VICE reporter did look into this growing topic on certain Reddit forums and other online sewers as some wonder if they’ll be able to quit their jobs to produce “pure” semen to sell full-time.
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Anti-vaxxers have come up with all kinds of theories about the long-term side effects from the COVID-19 vaccine that they are sure will appear any day now and bring the vaccinated population low. Infertility in people who can give birth is a common fear, but what you might not have heard as much about is the rumor that it can have an adverse effect on sperm, presumably leading to sterility or birth defects.
If true, and of course there is no evidence that it is, this could hypothetically result in a market for untainted genetic material, and unvaccinated people who can produce this kind of material are, shall we say, excited at the prospect.
“I’m going to retire as a ‘cum cow,’” one user unfortunately commented on a now-quarantined anti-vaxxer subreddit.
According to Samantha Cole, memes have been circulating in anti-vaxxer communities since early this year when COVID vaccines first became available claiming that “sperm is the new Bitcoin.” The idea seems to be a spinoff of the false theories that unvaccinated blood is in high demand, which combined with the actual fact that sperm banks in general saw a plunge in donations with the pandemic.
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This led one blog dedicated to cryptocurrency news to publish a post entitled “Is unvaccinated sperm really the next Bitcoin?”
We could find no evidence that any sperm banks are specifically seeking out the semen of those who are not yet vaccinated against COVID-19, nor any evidence to suggest that any of the vaccines have an effect on semen at all. However, there is evidence to suggest that COVID-19 itself can lead to long-term erectile dysfunction, which could seriously hamper efforts by unvaccinated penis-havers to make a living off of their supposedly pure gunk.
Unvaccinated sperm and eggs going to be a rare commodity. #gold
— Donna Nicholson
(@donna0nicholson) March 22, 2021
We can’t pretend to totally understand how Bitcoin or any cryptocurrency, including the ones named after semen, come into play here, other than the idea that unvaccinated goop could become more valuable than these currencies or even gold, the classic apocalypse-obsessed commodity.
Although the Protos post acknowledges that there are differences in the value placed on sperm, with some considered to be of higher quality than other samples, it also explains that no vaccine can have an impact on this kind of genetic material.
“In fact, the vaccines don’t even enter the nucleus, where DNA is stored — providing them no avenue to modify genes,” explains the unnamed post author. They then quote the CDC website that explains how the COVID-19 vaccine and all mRNA vaccines do not shed their components at all and do not “build up” in any parts of the body, whether ovaries or testicles.
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This will have no impact on anti-vaxxers, of course, because they hate the CDC and are notorious for ignoring inconvenient science, so be ready to hear more about their supposedly valuable semen again in the future.
*First Published: August 16, 2021, 3:09 pm
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